Bishop Callistus (Ware). Orthodox experience of repentance. First of all, you need to be a son or daughter of the church
– Father Vladislav, tell us: confessor, spiritual father – what kind of person is this? What is its role in the lives of believers?
– Even if such a question is not directly expressed out loud, it is born in silence in the soul of every person who takes the first steps towards the Church or in the Church. It is almost inevitable, judging by the life of the modern Russian Orthodox Church.
Very many people, if not almost all, in the past 20 years came to the Church and to church life as adults, or were baptized in childhood, but did not receive the appropriate church education at home. Or, even if they did receive it, at some point there still came a feeling of the need for correct self-awareness and correct, free personal behavior, but at the same time, in line with church life.
And then people who have a lack of knowledge of the Church, a lack of understanding of the Church, a lack of understanding of themselves, a lack of knowledge about What means to live a church life, and more broadly - a Christian life, a lack of knowledge even of what belongs to the area of moral life, and how the norms of moral life should be fulfilled, begin to feel the need for spiritual guidance. Many newcomers to church life immediately begin to be drawn to ascetic heights. But let us note that according to modern understanding, this area and content of spiritual life, which is called asceticism and which was previously considered separately from ethics, is now, as a rule, increasingly considered within the framework of ethical knowledge and, accordingly, ethical behavior.
Many questions related to how to understand reality and how to live in relation to this reality are hidden in conditions of inexperienced and illiterate consciousness for those who are looking for both the right experience and good literacy. Of course, to comprehend both there is always such a wonderful opportunity as books. An opportunity that never goes away. But books are not available in all cases. Because, let’s say, the situation in Moscow in this sense differs sharply from the situation in many provincial and even large cities - if here there is absolute wealth in books, then there is absolute poverty. And, besides, in the current wealth - in the sea of books - it is easier to choke and become disoriented than to swim out and get the right directions. If only because the books reveal different approaches and different understandings of what Christianity is in general and in relation to many particular ones.
All this naturally leads to the realization, or at least to the feeling, that you cannot cope with this situation yourself, and you cannot cope with it with the help of books either. Therefore, people who are the most conscious and understand that they are faced with the task of faithful formation and restoration of spiritual life, and those who go to complete tasks blindly, and use various fragmentary materials - realize that there is only one opportunity for true Christianization.
Difficulties entering the parish
This is absolute entry into the life of the Church, and thereby into the life of the parish. Because entering the life of the Church is not a theory, and it is carried out through entering the life of the parish, since the parish is the realization of revealing the life of the Church in its entirety. But this turns out to be a difficult task for many, even psychologically, because there are people of an introverted nature for whom communication itself, and even more so, joining a community, is a great difficulty.
Even if they managed to join, they can more or less advance further, but the initial steps are extremely painful for them. Especially when they feel like they don’t know, and there are a lot of know-it-alls around, and everyone seems to be so free to navigate that just a hint of a word is enough for another listener to immediately perceive the word as a whole and rush somewhere to fulfill this word. And this leads to even greater confusion.
It’s good when people are open and extroverted. When they also have a willingness to humbly accept their imperfections, and blows that can sometimes be painfully felt from different sides. Then things will go better for them. But different circumstances can only partly contribute to the formation of their correct experience of life, and partly, on the contrary, not be favorable. In such cases, almost the only option is life under guidance.
But this is where the stumbling block most often occurs, since even there are not so many people who truly, well and fully know what belongs to the field of personal psychology and, accordingly, the field of a certain understanding of people. Because most people are based on general ideas about human nature and basic moral standards. The varied experience of life and of these people themselves does not allow them to be true leaders, because although they have somewhat more experience, knowledge and understanding of life, almost no one understands what they do not understand, and does not enter into such a simple, obvious thought, that the experience of comprehension is individual for each person. Everyone is fussing with traditional recipes, and traditional recipes are true, but only half. The second half lies in the individuality of a person.
The most honest people are looking for the development of their church life to happen faster. Those who are less demanding take things more simply. They stand in church, pray as best they can, carry out some kind of communication, read books, and things move forward by themselves. But still, the most honest and prompt people want the process of establishing their church life to happen faster.
In such cases, the search for someone who will help find the right path is natural. But are such right paths, as well as people who can help find them, always found? This is the next, very big question. First of all, what is needed is not so much a confessor in that precise, deep, old sense of the word, which was previously understood and known (and now would rather be a romantic embodiment of this old knowledge), but rather a person, sometimes not necessarily in the priesthood, but with experience having knowledge, having love, doing good. Having human attentiveness, a willingness to sacrifice one’s time, a willingness to show, to help someone who comes to see what they really need. And, if necessary, answer his questions. Answer with humility, understanding that it is unsafe to answer various questions without “authorization.” Moreover, the questions are deeply internal.
Although many people with several years of experience know the answers and can answer those questions that relate to the mediocrity of church and spiritual life. Because the answers are pretty standard in this regard. And you can answer standard questions without any special personal gifts, except the gift of being intelligible, convincing and reasoned in your answers. In this sense, the work going on everywhere is hidden - in some churches there is more, in others less, but there are always those to whom the newcomers approach and ask something. Another thing is that this is done haphazardly. But it is unlikely that a finally adopted system would be good in such cases, or maybe it would be better for everything to happen somehow spontaneously.
– Are there any peculiarities in the relationship between the spiritual father and spiritual children?
– What is truly most often not understood is that the relationship between a spiritual father and a spiritual child is a deep and substantive concept and reality. But for this, neither the conditions of novitiate and obedience, nor demands and claims are absolutely necessary, so that confessors must certainly and as quickly as possible teach everything that they know themselves.
The soul of a confessor aches for spiritual children
The spiritual father actually enters internally, not necessarily with long words and reflections, into the lives of spiritual children. In the lives of those who's with him- simply because he loves them, and his soul hurts for them. And just by the mere fact that the soul hurts for them, and for them it is a great joy, they find themselves together and together they walk the path of salvation. And he tries to lead them to Christ.
The spiritual father is always a little ahead, because he was placed in this way both by the mysterious manifestation of his spiritual life as the first person and by his love, which has a broad focus. Because the expanding heart accommodates everyone. In any case, everyone who resorts to it. Thus, in the community that spiritual content of life is realized, in which the spiritual father, by privately spoken word, preached word, by the entire example of his life, simplicity in communication, modesty, unpretentiousness, undemandingness - but not spiritual, but undemandingness for himself, achieves much more than constant teaching and demands for obedience.
Because then his spiritual child sees before him an example of a good experience of spiritual life, which, moreover, is not distant from the pages of a book or some story, but, on the contrary, is extremely close by direct and personal communication. Then this is a real spiritual father who takes care of his children. Concerns about the very fact of their common movement.
– The Orthodox Church begins with the apostles. But, as is known, they did not have spiritual fathers. How did they appear? Were there confessors in the Church before its division, or is this a purely Orthodox phenomenon?
– The apostles had only one Teacher – Christ. As for spiritual fathers, they have been known since ancient times. The church was united then. In the modern understanding, apparently, clergy appeared quite late. Because there were simply priests as performers of the sacraments, but they were not performers of demands, but individuals filled with a special fiery life. Each sacrament for them was a manifestation of spiritual divine fire.
At first, in the first centuries, such burning during service was also due to a special situation, a special charisma. Please note how extremely simple the requirements are offered by the First Apostolic Council for Christians baptized from pagans: do not eat anything strangled, do not eat something sacrificed to idols, and do not wish for others what you do not wish for yourself. That's the whole set. Now even general confession includes more requirements.
– Were these requirements imposed on clergy or all Christians?
- To all those who are baptized among the pagans. And clergy appeared mainly in the monastic environment. His real triumph dates back rather to the fourth century and beyond. And for the monastic environment, obedience, in addition, had a necessary disciplinary character, which was impossible to do without. Then these demands for obedience then began to acquire a spiritual and mystical character. A famous example from the Patericon, which Tarkovsky used in his film, when a novice carried water just to have time to water the tree in the morning and grow the tree of obedience, with its magnificent fruits.
This story is hardly a simple legend, but rather a real, recorded incident. Of course, such a case cannot be universal, but in some respects it is exemplary. And such obedience, which requires a common spiritual and mystical feeling, while being unique on the one hand, is like a beacon on the other. At the same time both a pattern and a type of movement. Dynamic type and dynamic pattern.
Of course, not in the sense of directly achieving the same goal, but in order to know that this is a good example for understanding, for comprehension. But it was possible precisely in the situation when the confessor and the novice both had special divine gifts. One is spirituality, the other is obedience. Apart from these gifts, everything turns into theater.
Beware of infatuation with confessors
– Establishing human relationships is always difficult. It is even more difficult when such mental and spiritual connections are affected, such as spiritual father - spiritual son. What would be worth warning both sides about?
– I can say that I am inclined to treat modern clergy with some caution. Having been brought up from my young church years on the appropriate caution of Saint Ignatius (Brianchaninov), who turned out to be the first spiritual writer whom I began to read, and therefore he remained forever one of the most dear to me. Sometimes in his letters there is no longer just a precaution, but he directly says: “Beware of being carried away by confessors.” In the same letters, the topic of a warning nature runs through the red line. Even then, he began to see possible and most often occurring (and this was then, in the most prosperous times) distortions of correct orders and correct relationships.
What can we say about how often subtly addictions to the confessor work, and the confessor not only does not notice these addictions, but also continues to cultivate them towards himself on the part of his spiritual children. This is how idols grow in the eyes of spiritual children, and this is how the entire initiative of clergy perishes. Especially when it tries to be built on some principles that are externally connected with the feelings of ancient spirituality, with the feelings of its meaning.
And then it seems to people that they come to the very real origins of spiritual life, which are manifested in the priest and in their relationship with this priest. But in reality it is just a caricature and an outrage, because these spiritual fathers do not have the high gifts that the ancient holy fathers had. And the demand for obedience that comes from them and is often perceived by spiritual children as devotion, in fact, for the most part, is not based on anything.
Obedience is sometimes considered mandatory even in cases when it comes to everyday life, when advice is asked in everyday matters. And then, with complete categoricalness, such confessors give advice left and right. It’s as if each of them, at least Ambrose Optina, whom the same Ignatius Brianchaninov (or rather, Optina’s experience in general) treated with some caution, afraid that there might be acting involved. “Soul-destructive acting and the saddest comedy are the elders who take on the role of the ancient holy Elders, without having their spiritual gifts” (1.72). He was very cautious about the possibility of any, even the slightest, acting, which immediately deeply disgusted him.
But it’s even worse when confessors “take on the role,” and these are again the words of St. Ignatius. - “They take on the role of the ancient great elders and lead in matters of spiritual life,” which they themselves understand very insufficiently and superficially, if not erroneously, and, thereby, turn out to be blind leaders of the blind led. And “if a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit.”
But from this, of course, it does not follow that in general the experience of spiritual guidance, when it is the simplest, turns out to be useless. On the contrary, the simpler and more undemanding, and the more undemanding on both sides, the relationship between the spiritual child and the confessor, the more likely the success of this matter. If the confessor is humble enough, has a good moral experience of life, great inner firmness, deep, real, without any caricatures, church commitment, then even with his appearance and behavior he sometimes teaches more (without even striving for any teaching) than those who seem to teach with pompous words great confessors of the present time.
And, besides, he gradually brings their communication to the most important thing, that both gradually enter into the true and simple experience of Christian life. This experience is more or less corrected by communication between both of them, because mistakes are still possible on both sides. For example, in the form of incorrect spiritual advice, either because the priest did not see some personal characteristics of the one who approached him, or, even having seen, did not realize an alternative answer, which in some situation would have been more correct.
Never mind, a mistake is not a situation where you need to immediately start completely “weeping at your wretchedness” and fall into absolute despondency, turning into despair. A mistake is just a good reason to correct yourself and be on the path of perfection. Because the path of the perfect is the path of constant straightening.
Can a confessor be wrong?
– So the confessor can be wrong?
- Certainly.
– How should his spiritual son or just a parishioner react to this, realizing that his spiritual father was mistaken?
– If the priest is happily and humbly ready to quite concretely see and agree with his mistakes, if, on the other hand, the spiritual child does not make a tragedy out of these mistakes, understanding that the confessor, although he has greater spiritual experience, is not absolute, and therefore can also make mistakes, and mistakes also need to be corrected, and then the result is a correction.
If the confessor, being a proud person and completely blind to his mistakes, continues to insist on his mistake, there can be very great harm.
– In this case, how complete should obedience to the confessor be? Because sometimes I had to read about literal, absolute obedience. For example, according to the recollections of the spiritual children of the same Optina elders, advice was asked about everything, right down to mechanical actions - which book to read or which direction to go.
– Which book to read is not a mechanical action. This can be a very good way of managing and helping a person in the spiritual life, for whom some books may not be useful (even quite normal ones with good Christian content) as untimely. On the other hand, the invitation to neophytes to read « Philokalia », so necessary for monastic experience, it can ruin beginners.
By the way, what is also very important for a confessor is the understanding that the world constantly poses new problems. And we need to try to see a solution to these problems, exactly like new, if not in essence, then at least in forms, according to new principles, according to new contents. Starting from such simple things as attitude to the Internet, to television.
– Is the attitude towards sins changing?
– The attitude towards sins remains fundamentally the same. It cannot change, and in this sense, the slogan of the ancient fathers “better death than sin” can be left forever as a slogan and banner. Better death than sin.
Another thing is that, entering the area of concrete consideration of the sinful life of the person who approaches the confessor, you need to see and help him see his sin, which can be treated more or less condescendingly for now, dismissing it as not just a due, but as a temporarily acceptable. So that, on the one hand, not to indulge in sin and not to cultivate it, and on the other hand, to know when to stop, so that, knowing that energy is not limitless, do not allow a person to break down from his own despondency and powerlessness.
In order to see what is important, you need a spiritual mind, and it does not necessarily coincide with a practical mind, with insight, if the confessor has one, or with his knowledge of ancient traditions. But, in any case, that experience when there is an automatic demand for absolute obedience does not at all lead to the fulfillment of the main task, which is to educate the person who comes to the priest with true spiritual freedom.
Otherwise, he came from one type of slavery and ends up in another type of slavery. And he will never know what spiritual freedom is. Moreover, this matter is quite delicate and requires a very serious approach. Moreover, not even all priests understand what this spiritual freedom is, and therefore they simply cannot educate their student within the framework of spiritual freedom. All these obediences are actually important as long as they cultivate in a person an understanding of how a spiritually free life is realized. And obedience does not actually limit freedom - it provides a certain framework for it, like the form of a sonnet, where a very strict specific form is necessary, within which the highest manifestations of creative poetic possibility can be realized.
Obedience sets some limits for the spiritual creativity of a person himself. Many are even frightened by words such as spiritual creativity. Meanwhile, the “creation of a new creature,” which a person carries out through ascetic methods and experiments in himself, is the moment of creativity, one of the highest creativity and art. And where they go through simple autonomous obedience, in which there is nothing else - no free You can’t raise a new creature. It turns out to be the same old, decrepit, unfree creature.
Maria Sveshnikova talked with Archpriest Vladislav Sveshnikov. To be continued.
“A confessor must be ready to go to hell for his children”
Have pastors and flocks changed over twenty-five years of church freedom, is it possible to find a real confessor today, and what should a person do who is looking for spiritual guidance, but does not find an experienced priest? The answers to these and other questions about clergy are in an interview with Archpriest Valerian Krechetov, who served as the confessor of the Moscow diocese for a long time.
Formula of clergy
What is clergy in general and what level of responsibility does the one who takes on the responsibilities of a spiritual father have? Archpriest Valerian Krechetov says:
“Of course, spiritual guidance is important and necessary, but the requirements for a spiritual father are very high. One day I left the church, and some woman suddenly ran after me: “Father, what should I do? My confessor told me: “I don’t want to go to hell because of you!” I answered something, and soon I went to Mount Athos and ended up with an old man. A confessor came to him, who had been cared for by Elder Paisius for 20 years. And that elder told me the formula of a real spiritual father: “Only a priest who is ready to go to hell for his spiritual children can be a spiritual father.” The most amazing thing is that I didn’t tell him about the question that woman asked me, but he repeated her words word for word, only in the opposite direction.”
The Militant Church and the Secret Church
— Twenty-five years of church freedom is already a whole era. If we compare the 1990s and our days, how has church life changed over the years? How have the parishioners changed?
— When they talk about Soviet times, I always remember the book of St. Nicholas of Serbia “The Tsar’s Testament.” Talking about what is happening on the Kosovo field in Serbia, he explains very well in a spiritual sense what is happening in the world. When King Lazarus prayed on the Kosovo field before the battle, he had to choose one of two kingdoms: earthly or heavenly. He chose the Kingdom of Heaven, and according to prophecy, both the army and the power, and he himself suffered death.
But during the battle, an angel appeared before the king and said that his power must perish in order for the soul of the people to be saved: “The power is given to the people, so that there will be something to perish in his place, so that there will be something to give as ransom for the people’s soul. Such a deal is profitable when you buy a treasure for an inexpensive price [and you save the soul of the people and gain the Kingdom of Heaven!]. Worship the One who destroys what is cheap so that what is precious may be preserved; He who cuts the straw, let the grain be preserved.”
There is a war of evil against good in the world, and our Church is militant, but it is not she who starts the war, but people who fight against her. And if everything around is dying here on earth, this does not mean that everything is bad. Every cloud has a silver lining.
I once heard an interesting parable. One person comes to the elder and says: “Father, everything is going well for you, but nothing is going well for me, why?” The elder tells him: “Patience is needed.” - “What is patience? You endure and endure, what is the use of this? It’s like carrying water in a sieve!” And the elder replies: “Wait until winter.”
This is exactly what was predicted in this parable and has now happened. After all, it would seem that everything had already been decided, the Church was finished, everyone was imprisoned and shot, but a host of holy martyrs appeared, and people became hardened in war. And while the Church was under persecution, it held firm.
Outwardly there was persecution, outwardly there was nothing left, everything was over, but the believing people remained. The Monk Seraphim spoke about this beautifully; he cited as an example the times of the prophet Elijah, when “all the sons of Israel forsook Your covenant, destroyed Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword, I was left alone, but they are also looking for my soul to take it away.” It was Ilya, the prophet, who, with his eagle’s eye on life, did not see anyone around who was faithful except himself. And the Lord told him that “there are still seven thousand men among the Israelites who did not bow their knees to Baal and whose lips did not kiss the idol.” Seven thousand! That is, there were so many faithful whom the prophet Elijah did not see.
And the Monk Seraphim says: “How much will we have?” During the times of persecution, many believers occupied government positions, but almost no one knew that they were Orthodox. This was the same, as they now call it, secret Church, which was never separated from the official Church, but hidden from the world in order to preserve the faith.
And now it turned out, as in the parable of the sieve - everything was spilled in the sieve, and now winter has come, that you won’t be able to carry this water.
And I personally experience this myself, because now a priest, if he really works, does not have enough strength or time - the need for it is so great. And this is precisely the most difficult moment, because many have rushed into the priesthood, and this service is the highest, most complex and most responsible.
Even if a young person studies in special educational institutions, science is only the tip of the iceberg. Spiritual life is so complex and diverse that there are only a few specialists in this area.
As the elders say, the gift of the priesthood, clergy, is special. “The gift of reasoning is higher than the gift of humility,” that is, reasoning about how to act—where and when to remain silent, when to act—is very difficult to learn. As the Bible says: “A wise man remains silent for a time; but a madman speaks without time.”
— So now, when there is no open persecution of the Church, the focus of the problem has shifted from the external world to the internal life of the Church itself? And here the role of the priest is great, is his spiritual experience important?
- Yes, now there is an opportunity to say a lot, but it’s not so easy, and what to talk about? One man told me an interesting incident from his life. He was a philologist, studied at Moscow State University, and they had an Armenian teacher who said to the students: “Young people, you are studying different languages, but would you say what you will talk about in these languages?”
And really - what is it about? And I always quote Mayakovsky’s words:
They harass a single word for the sake of
Thousands of tons of verbal ore.
It happens that you read political articles, but if you take a closer look, it’s good if there is a single word of substance. Moreover, it is not easy to talk about spiritual topics.
The spiritual word has no power if it is divorced from heart activity, from spiritual experience. Another religious philosopher Ivan Kireyevsky said:
“Thinking, separated from the heart’s aspiration, is the same entertainment for the soul as unconscious gaiety. The deeper such thinking is, the more important it is, apparently, the more frivolous it actually makes a person. Therefore, serious and powerful study of science also belongs to the number of means of entertainment, a means of dispersing oneself, of getting rid of oneself. This imaginary seriousness, imaginary efficiency accelerates the true one. Secular pleasures do not work so successfully and not so quickly.”
Involvement in discussions on spiritual topics, divorced from heart activity, from spiritual experience - entertainment is more harmful than secular. It’s just an appearance of the spiritual, but there is no essence.
Rights without responsibilities
- In the Psalter there are such words: “We mocked at Your justifications.” But with us, to mock is to mock, to blaspheme, but in fact, the first meaning of this word is to reflect. But reflections are then justified when they are connected with spiritual experience, with heart activity, and if they are separated from it, this is mockery. Now, for example, many have begun to speak and write on spiritual issues, but have no experience. It turned out that some people mock the true word.
According to the logic of the world, people become smarter, smarter and smarter, but, unfortunately, this is not the case. Because intelligence is not the amount of knowledge. Aristotle said: “A lot of knowledge does not presuppose the presence of intelligence,” and passion for knowledge and neglect of morality is a movement not forward, but backward.
One day, an atheist came to me who believed in the origin of man from apes. He wanted to baptize his daughter, but complained that he could not cope with her. And I told him that, according to his beliefs, he would never cope with her, because why should his daughter listen to him if he recently fell from the tree?
In fact, man came out of the hands of the Creator perfect, but without experience. Of course, in order to become like the Creator, he also had to improve, “become perfect, even as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” And Saint Nicholas of Serbia said that the first people did not know much, but they understood everything. Gradually they began to know more, but understand less. It turns out that you can know a lot, but understand nothing. As one servant of God noted, looking at modern man:
The soul burned out, went out,
got old, got into a robe,
but, as before, it is not clear to her
what to do and who is to blame.
What to do, who is to blame—people usually ask these age-old questions. Due to the state in which the world has now plunged, many have rushed to the Church. And, unfortunately, few understand that everything that happens is the fruit of sin, and they try, without taking into account what is most important, to figure out what to do and who is to blame. Therefore, the questions that people ask in confession are no longer about how to save their soul, but how to create a happy life for themselves on earth.
— What problems worry people most now?
“Unfortunately, more often than not people only care about their own personality, the “ego.” There has become a lot of egoism. People used to be more humble.
Now everyone wants to live in their own way - without responsibilities, but with their own rights. For example, the so-called civil marriage - open fornication without responsibilities - has spread everywhere. But when a person is going to start a family, he must at least halve his desires and prepare to at least double his responsibilities. But with us they don’t want to give up their desires, but there are no responsibilities at all.
When getting married, you need to ask: “What do you want: to have a wife, to have children, to have a household, or: to be a husband, to be a father, to be a master?” To be or to have? Being presupposes life. To be someone is to have responsibilities. If this is a husband, he has his own responsibilities, if a father, he has his own responsibilities, if a director, he has his own responsibilities. And we have? I ruined my family, and who is to blame? Usually both are to blame, and the one who is smarter is more to blame.
Strictly speaking, what is a people? The people are many families. The family is a small Church, the family is the basis of the state. And therefore, the collapse of the state occurs due to the collapse of the family.
How to find a confessor and is it necessary to look for one?
— How to find a confessor? What should you do if you can’t find spiritual guidance?
“You definitely need to go to Church and receive communion, and then pray that the Lord will send a confessor.” And if he sends it, so that the Lord will give him understanding. Because there is a saying that the holy fathers did not always have good novices. There are examples when novices were so humble and devoted that they themselves were saved, and the Lord saved their spiritual mentors, who were unworthy.
And vice versa, next to the saints, not all were saints. Among the 12 apostles, one was Judas. Much depends on the person himself.
Spiritual guidance is important and necessary, but the requirements for a spiritual father are very high. His ministry is based, first of all, on sacrificial love, which is the love of God. And therefore, if the Lord gives this holy feeling, then everything falls into place.
There is a book about the priesthood of Bishop Arseny (Zhadanovsky), where he recalls that when the Lord restored the Apostle Peter to apostolic dignity, He did not demand anything from him, only love: if you love Me, feed my sheep. That is, if there is love, there is a shepherd and a confessor. And if there is no love, then there is no true shepherding.
—What should a person do who is looking for spiritual guidance but cannot find an experienced priest? Should you humble yourself when communicating with an inexperienced confessor and do it your own way?
— The most important thing is to remember that everything is controlled by God’s providence. The Lord can give understanding. And we need to pray to both the flock and the shepherds. Sometimes people ask me something, but I can’t answer. I'm not ashamed to say: I don't know. There is a saying: God is never in a hurry, but he is never late. In life, everything happens in due time. Rely on God, and He will work everything out for spiritual benefit.
Remember the example given to us in the Gospel? The beaten and bound Savior stands before Pilate. And Pilate says: “Are you not answering me? Don’t you know that I have the power to crucify You and the power to release You?” The Lord calmly answers: “Do not place any power over me unless it is given from above.” And so it happened: he wanted to let Jesus go, but he signed the crucifix, did not show his power, he could not.
So everything is controlled by God's providence. But people often forget about this, especially in relationships with their confessor, becoming fixated on his personality. The personality itself is quite helpless. A person cannot even sin without God - for example, if He had not given us legs, we would not have gone to sin, we simply would not have gotten there. Therefore, a person simply cannot have originality as such. God alone is unique. And according to His will, everything happens - He is the One “Who mows down the straw so that the grain may be preserved.”
After all, we did not organize any demonstrations at the time, and the Church suddenly found itself free. All that's left of communism is a sign. And what is communism? An attempt to build the Kingdom of God on earth, a paradise without God.
There was such a father, Misail, the cell attendant of Metropolitan Nestor of Kamchatka, he was in prison during Soviet times, and they told him: “Here we are building a paradise on earth.” He replies: “It’s a useless exercise.” - “Are you against the authorities?” - “No, all power comes from God. But building heaven on earth is a futile exercise.” - "How why?" - “It’s very simple. The first Christians already built such a society, everything was common, but nothing worked out.”
Indeed, the first Christians are the society from which the idea of communism was copied. But even with that spirit, they could not maintain complete dispassion. So all this has already happened. As Father John Krestyankin once said: they have nothing new, everything is stolen, only remade in their own way.
— What should a person do in a situation when, during confession, a priest advises him on something that is impossible for him to do? For example, there are well-known examples when a priest does not bless a marriage and says: “It is not God’s will for you to be together,” what should you do? Argue?
- Obedience is obedience. Love does not pass, falling in love does. Parents also forbid something, what should you do - obey or not obey? In general, you should still obey. Another thing is that sometimes the soul does not accept this decision. Then you need to pray and wait. I know an example where a young man and a girl fell in love with each other, but their parents were against it. And I told them: “You love each other, it’s impossible to forbid love? Please keep loving." They did just that. And then the mother couldn’t stand it - she allowed it. And they got married.
If love is true, if there is no desire for possession, if you feel that this is your soul mate, your loved one - this may be enough. My mother had a friend whose fiancé courted her for forty years. He loved her and she loved him, but she couldn't leave her mother and start a family with him. They met, took care of each other, and became so close that when they became spouses at the age of 60, they no longer needed anything other than spiritual and emotional closeness.
Actually, there is an example from Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin - Tatyana Larina says: “I love you (why lie?), but I was given to someone else, and I will be faithful to him forever.” You can love, but you don’t have to live together sooner, at least there’s no need to rush.
In our country now they say: we need to live together as soon as possible, check our feelings. Unfortunately, this is not how true love is tested. According to Justin Popovich, love for a person without the love of God is self-love, and love for God without love for a person is self-deception.
The most important thing is the will of God. If there really is a feeling, it will remain, it will live, and if due to difficulties it disappeared, then it may not have existed, or it was a passion, another feeling, not love. And love, as the Apostle Paul says, never disappears and cannot pass away, love remains love.
— How can you distribute the strictness of fulfilling what your confessor says? A simple example: the confessor tells all his children to strictly observe fasting, but do you have gastritis? What to do here, obey or act according to your feelings?
- Fasting is for man, not man for fasting; it is better to under-fast than to over-fast. And one more thing: fasting is not “impossible”, but “not allowed.” If it were not possible, then Saint Spyridon of Trimifuntsky would not have eaten meat during Great Lent - there is an example from his life when there was nothing to feed a guest from the road, and he ordered meat to be brought, and he himself ate with him, so as not to embarrass him.
But fasting cleanses, fasting is a great power. The Lord Himself fasted. If He, the One Who, unlike us, did not need to fast, fasted, how can we sinners not fast? But there are different levels of fasting severity. There are many healthy foods that are lean: Brussels sprouts broth is healthier than chicken broth.
In fact, when a person has some kind of grief or has a real feeling, he doesn’t even think about food. A certain young man was courting one girl and saying that he loved her. And she was very wise and told him that since you are ready for anything, let’s fast and pray for two or three weeks. And then, when the deadline was up, she set a luxurious table, brought a young man and said: “Well, at the table or down the aisle?” He rushed to the table. That's it, I made my choice.
— That is, there is no such criterion in relations with a confessor: obedience or your own decision?
— There is only one criterion - love. If there is anger, irritation, what is the use of it? What is this for? Only love can be above the law.
— And if there is no confessor or he is far away, how to live, what to guide your actions?
— If there is no confessor, or it is difficult to contact him, then you need to pray. You just need to remember that the Lord is near, and you should always turn to Him.
Once, when I was young, I had a difficult situation at work, I was confused, not knowing what to do, and I began to read akathists to St. Nicholas and St. Seraphim in turn, and suddenly everything worked out. This was the first example in my life when I experienced for myself that if you don’t know what to do in the current circumstances, you need to immediately intensify your prayer, ask for God’s help.
These are exactly the same questions: “what to do?” and “who is to blame?” It's his own fault, first of all. You have to start with yourself, because you can’t escape from yourself. But what to do? We need to pray for the Lord to indicate: “Tell me, Lord, the way, I’ll go the wrong way.”
Archimandrite Innokenty Prosvirnin once told me this formula for approaching life: when Heaven is silent, there is no need to do anything.
I later read that a similar rule was used by the holy martyr Seraphim Zvezdinsky. When he was asked in troubled times what to do if you don’t know what to do and have no one to consult with, he recommended praying for three days and asking for God’s will, and the Lord will show you what to do. If he doesn’t indicate, then you still have to pray and be patient. This is what they do on Athos.
I myself often advise doing this, and this rule bears good fruit.
If you load a person with heroic deeds right away, he won’t be able to handle it.
—Is spiritual guidance different between new Christians and, so to speak, mature Christians?
- Certainly. The difference is in the degree of severity. When I was just starting my ministry, there was such a confessor, Archimandrite Tikhon Agrikov, so he told me that you first need to attract a person, and when he gets used to it, you can be stricter. Because if you immediately load a person with various feats, he will not be able to stand it. At one time I was involved in sports, and here, as in spiritual life, first there are small loads, then more, otherwise the person will overstrain himself. And we must remember that to bear obedience is a cross. This is very difficult in monasteries, and even more so in the world.
Archpriest Sergius Orlov taught me as a young priest, and usually did not say categorically: this is how it is and no other way. If I asked something, he said: “Yes, anything can happen.” And I thought: wow, a person with such and such spiritual experience, education, and didn’t seem to say anything in particular... But it’s not that simple.
The rector of the Jerusalem metochion, Archpriest Vasily Serebrennikov, who came to Father Sergius to confess, once told me: “What I like most about spiritual matters is when you don’t understand anything.” There is no need to be shy if you do not understand something in spiritual matters. Where it is not clear, everything is simple: everything is unclear. But when everything seems clear, sometimes many difficulties can arise later. For example, the question about frequent communion, it would seem - is it good to take communion often? Very good. And my father said to me: “How can I say this? Who will react to this? And if there is such an attitude: Manka went - and I will go, what will everything turn into then?
— Can a confessor give a person the freedom to decide for himself what to do?
“A very experienced confessor, Holy Archpriest Alexy Mechev, when he was asked about something, first of all said: “What do you think?” Because real spiritual education must necessarily provide food for the mind so that a person learns to reason. It's not easy to lead a person by the hand.
Complete obedience is, of course, good, but it is only possible in a monastery, and in the world it is more difficult.
I have 59 years of driving experience. And when I got behind the wheel for the first time, I felt very uncomfortable. They told me, and I gradually got used to it, got used to it. In the same way, in spiritual life you need to acquire spiritual skills.
I am an air force navigator in the military department, and we had Colonel Plesky, I still remember him, he said: “I will make you know aircraft navigation in verse, there is no time to reason in the air, you need to act there.” It’s the same in life—spiritual skills need to be acquired so that they become second nature. Knowledge is something that has been passed through one’s experience and has become a skill.
— When a person first comes to church, they explain to him how to confess, take communion, and what rule to read. How can we continue to grow spiritually? What if a person has been in the Church for 10-20 years and nothing has changed, what is the problem?
- Not in what, but in whom. The problem is in the person himself. Father John Krestyankin said that nothing can be done for a person. You can help, but if he doesn’t do it himself, nothing will work. God does not forcibly save without the desire and participation of the person himself. There are such eternal students - they go and go, and never finish their studies. Who is to blame - the one who teaches or the one who studies?
— Who studies, that is, a person himself must begin to move from some external things to inner life?
— External things are given in order to pave the way to the inner world. The skill of at least saying “sorry” is not given just like that. Gradually, everything begins to change inside a person. There is an expression: “If they call you a pig, you will grunt. And if you’re an angel, maybe you’ll become an angel and start singing.”
— Often for those who have been in the Church for a long time, prayer turns into a formality, fasting is performed without zeal, why?
- God will give prayer to the one who prays. If you still try to delve into the words of the prayer, it cannot be completely formal. Yes, you get tired, but do it anyway. What does "formally" mean? I was reading a prayer, and at that time what was happening in your soul?
Still, it is better to pray at least somehow than to do nothing at all.
- Is it possible to learn prayer?
- You can learn - you need to pray.
- Practice?
- Yes. Also, prayer is often taught by some kind of sorrow or embarrassment. When my father was studying at the seminary, one of the old professors asked him the following question: “What does the Lord do with a person when he wants to attract him to Himself?” - my father answered something. “Okay, what’s the main thing?” the father is silent. - “Sends him spiritual distress.”
— It’s probably difficult not to become despondent here if you’re always in grief?
- Everything passes. I tell everyone, at least listen to Pushkin if you don’t want to listen to the Holy Scriptures. Do you know what he said?
If life deceives you,
Don't be sad, don't be angry!
On the day of despondency, humble yourself:
The day of fun, believe me, will come.
(Here I would like to add: “And while you humble yourself, pray!”).
The heart lives in the future;
Really sad:
Everything is instant, everything will pass;
Whatever happens will be nice.
After all, it was from God, according to Elder Seraphim Vyritsky.
And we must not forget to thank God even in the most difficult days of life - he is waiting for us and will send even greater blessings. A person with a grateful heart never lacks for anything.
Archpriest Valerian Krechetov born in 1937 in the family of repressed accountant and later priest Mikhail Krechetov. He graduated from school in 1959 and at the same time was enrolled in the Moscow Forestry Engineering Institute, three years after graduation he entered the Moscow Seminary.
He was ordained on January 12, 1969, and in 1973 he graduated from the Moscow Theological Academy. Over the many years of his ministry, he communicated with many outstanding pastors, including Father Nikolai Golubtsov, Father Ioann Krestyankin, Father Nikolai Guryanov. Today, Archpriest Valerian is the rector of the church in honor of the Intercession of the Most Holy Theotokos in the village of Akulovo, Odintsovo district.
How much does the decision to become a spiritual child oblige us, and how much does it leave us free? What kind of attitude towards a confessor is wrong? How what if you don’t yet have a leader in your spiritual life? Is it possible to have a “confessor by correspondence”? What if a husband and wife have different confessors? Is it possible to move from one confessor to another? And what is this secret of spirituality that makes Is the relationship between father and child special?
We are talking about these and other nuances of the topic with a famous Moscow priest, who served under Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) for 35 years - the rector of the Church of Sophia of the Wisdom of God in Sredniye Sadovniki, Archpriest Vladimir Volgin.
Photo by Alexander Perlin
Time For checking
- Father Vladimir, where should a person who has just come to the Church start looking for a confessor?
First of all, you need to pray about it. The Monk Simeon the New Theologian advises to pray a lot so that the Lord will send a confessor. Another tip: don't rush. Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) said the following: when a young man and a girl have met and have sympathy for each other, then three years must pass before the issue of marriage is resolved. Of course, there should be friendly, chaste relations between them, and by the end of the third year, young people should decide: can I live with this person or not? Spirituality is also, in a sense, a marriage, only a spiritual one. And therefore, you do not immediately need to ask to become a spiritual child of the priest who you like and who meets your inner needs today. Tomorrow this may not be the case!
You need to look at it very carefully, see the positive sides - and we, priests, being human, also show biased, negative sides. It is necessary to observe how the priest leads his spiritual children, whether he completely imposes his will, insists on it, or leaves the person freedom. Even the Lord does not limit our freedom, He knocks on the door of the heart, he knocks, but does not order: “Open the door for Me!”
- You can immediately trust a spiritually inexperienced person, a “young old man”...
Yes. Young elders are young, inexperienced priests who consider themselves people who know the will of God, understand everything, see everything. But in reality this is not so.
Yes, of course, there are exceptional cases: the Venerable Alexander of Svirsky was already considered an elder at the age of 18, the Venerable Ambrose of Optina became an elder at the age of 38. And in our ordinary life, people come mature to this charisma, to that obedience that the Lord can impose on a person directly or through a spiritual father. But if we don’t see something, but claim that we see and insist on it, then woe to us, priests, spiritual fathers!..
Therefore, I repeat, there is no need to rush.
I have been serving as a priest for 36 years now, and many people have passed through me and stayed with me as their confessor. But before I established a relationship prematurely: a person asks for it, “fell in love” as with a priest at first sight and thinks that everything will be fine. There were also cases when people left me, probably disappointed, probably because I could not answer their questions deeply enough. Or maybe he answered in such a way that the questioners were not interested in listening. There are different reasons for the departure of lay believers from their confessors. And in order to prevent this from happening, I gradually, with experience, began to establish some period of, so to speak, “abstinence” before entering into a relationship. I say, “Watch me. I will not refuse you under any circumstances; I will now act as an “acting” spiritual father. But I won’t be until you look at me long enough.”
- At the same time, do you confess these people?
Yes, of course, I confess, I talk, I answer all the questions that they put before me.
- What is the difference between a spiritual child and a person who simply comes to confession?
How are your children different from other people's children? Probably the same. Your children obey you, or at least they must obey you until a certain age. And then, perhaps, obedience is preserved, if it is useful. But other people's children don't listen to you. They may turn to you for some advice, for candy, so to speak, for an explanation of something. So the person confessing, who is not a spiritual child, is at approximately the same level of relationship with the priest.
Obedience and freedom
Strictly speaking, absolute obedience is a monastic category. To what extent can a worldly person observe obedience?
Of course, it is necessary to take into account human capabilities.
There is a certain range of problems - not very diverse and extensive - that people living in the world usually pose to us, priests. These questions essentially concern the code of moral Christian life, and when it comes to them, the spiritual child, of course, must show obedience.
Well, for example, life in a so-called “civil marriage”, in relationships that are not recorded by state authorities and are not sanctified by the Church. This is fornication. Some say: “Yes, I’d rather get married, I won’t go to the registry office.” But these people do not understand that before the revolution, the Church combined two institutions: the registry office (parish registers) and the institution of the Church itself, where sacraments or rituals were performed. And, of course, the person who asks you for clergy should listen to you and stop living in such illegal cohabitation. Or legalize it. It's simple, right?
There are problems on a different level. For example, moving from one job to another job - is it right or wrong? I know that the elders never advised simply switching to another job, say, because of a higher salary, but recommended that their spiritual children remain in their current job. And, in general, experience shows: this is correct most often. Why? Because when a person moves to another job, he must adapt, his employees and colleagues must accept him, and if they do not accept him, this may result in dismissal. Here's an increased salary level for you!..
- Should a person discuss any issues of family life with his confessor? Why not solve them yourself?
I think any discussion should start within the family. There are questions and problems that husband and wife can resolve themselves. And there are those that have to be submitted for the blessing of the confessor when, for example, the husband does not agree with the point of view of his wife or vice versa. Moreover, you need to understand: I ask this question only if I am ready to fulfill the blessing of my confessor. If I don’t fulfill it because I don’t like the answer, then this is a profanation of the relationship. It is better not to approach your confessor with this question and live according to your own will, than to ask and not fulfill it.
About games into spiritual life
Is there such a danger here: a person, having become accustomed to asking his confessor about everything, will lose the ability to make decisions independently and, most importantly, take responsibility for them? Once the confessor has given his blessing, he is responsible for everything...
In my practice, I have not met people who would like to entrust their entire life and care for themselves to their spiritual father. There are some deviations, distortions, and irregularities in the relationship with the spiritual father. For example, when spiritual children ask about some little things. Let’s say: “Bless me to go to the store today, I have nothing in the refrigerator.” But what surprises me more is that sometimes people ask for blessings, say, for a trip somewhere, already having a ticket, having a voucher: “Would you bless me to go there during Lent?” In such cases I say: “Such a request is profanation. I can only pray for you on your trip, since you have decided this issue yourself.”
I think the danger is not in the inability to make decisions, but in the fact that we are quite proud, vain and accustomed to solving problems on our own. And therefore it is good when people bow their heads to the blessing of their spiritual father.
And there are, of course, difficult questions that a person cannot answer on his own. And the priest, by the grace of God given to him from above, is, in any case, able to give very reasonable advice.
It turns out that a person is not completely free as a spiritual child; he has certain responsibilities towards his spiritual father?
Like children in relation to their parents. But these responsibilities are not onerous. Now the situation is such that many young Christians, who have graduated from perhaps not just one university, but two or three, are very self-confident: they often consider themselves competent not only in those areas in which they received professional knowledge, but also in spiritual life , where supposedly you can figure it out with half a turn. No, that's not true. About such people, Father John (Krestyankin) said: “The current children of the Church are completely special... they come to spiritual life, burdened by many years of sinful life, perverted concepts of good and evil. And the earthly truth they have assimilated rises up against the concept of Heavenly Truth that comes to life in the soul.<…>Salvation cross<…>rejected as an unbearable burden. And, outwardly worshiping the great Cross of Christ and His Passion,<…>a person will deftly and inventively avoid his personal saving cross. And then how often the most terrible substitution of spiritual life begins - a game of spiritual life.”
-Where is the border between eldership and clergy?
What distinguishes the elders from us, ordinary confessors, is not at all their insight. Foresight, of course, accompanies old age. But eldership is more than insight! Indeed, among people who serve not God, but the dark forces, there are clairvoyants who can also predict a person’s fate.
The main thing about the elders is something else: they are bearers of Divine love. Not human, which is biased and often deceitful, but Divine. And when you feel this love, you understand that it is true and no other love can replace it. Since in my lifetime I have met 11 elders, it seems to me, although I boldly say now, that I have some kind of “indicator”: whether this or that person is a genuine elder or not. And I can say that the elder is recognized by this love - all-covering, all-forgiving, non-irritable. The same one whose properties are described in the First Epistle to the Corinthians of the Apostle Paul: Love is patient, merciful, love does not envy, love is not arrogant, is not proud, is not rude, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…
My obedience for life
How did you meet your spiritual father, Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), and Schema-Abbot Savva?
Unfortunately, at one time, priests paid very little attention to us, young people, because in Soviet times it was dangerous for them to enter into communication with young people. Although there were Moscow priests who communicated with young people, they were few. I, not yet being baptized (I was baptized six months after this trip), came to the Pskov-Pechersky Monastery and met Father Savva (Ostapenko). I don’t even remember Father John (Krestyankin), although they said that he existed and we met him. And a year later I came to Pechory again.
And then one day Father Savva, knowing that I was engaged in literary works, invited me to edit his book. And he put a prayer for his spiritual father there. I asked: “Do you want to accept me as a spiritual child?” He says, “If you want, I can accept.” I knew that he was great, that he was a special person... But I was very vain and, in general, still remain so, probably, so having such a spiritual father was certainly prestigious for me. I still didn’t understand what clergy was!
So I asked Father Savva to be my spiritual father. Which I don’t regret at all! I thank God for the fact that for some time, not very long, he guided me and identified such important, reference points in my future path of spiritual life.
- For example? What do you most like?Do you remember any of his advice?
After my first, general, confession, he told me: “I will give you obedience, which may seem difficult to you, but this is the work of your whole life: do not judge people.” I tried somehow to fulfill this, and indeed, this is obedience for life. And this is the path to love.
- How did you become your confessor?Father John (Krestyankin)?
Several times I turned to Father Savva, and at the same time I began to develop some kind of relationship with Father John (Krestyankin). So I confessed to Father Savva, he told me: “I bless,” or “I do not bless,” and did not explain anything. Father John never contradicted Father Savva, their points of view, of course, coincided, but Father John seemed to “chew” everything to me: why exactly this way, why not differently. And this turned out to be much closer to me than simply: “I bless”, “I do not bless.” So gradually I “relocated” to Father John, who accepted me as a spiritual child.
In the absence of elders
- What is the situation with clergy today?
Complex. I think that not all priests, unfortunately, have the gift of clergy.
- What is the gift of clergy, what does it consist of?
I would say this: this is the reasonableness of the demands that the confessor makes of the spiritual child. Without in any way setting myself up as an example, I can say from my experience that I have always been guided by the capabilities and strength of a person’s soul. And if I felt that I could crush and break, I stopped. If I felt that there was still a reserve of some spiritual strength, then I delved even deeper into the soul and gave some advice, which at times, perhaps, was not easy to implement, but spiritual children, as a rule, sought to adhere to them.
- What happened now - why is it difficult with clergy in our time?
The main thing that is happening is the disappearance of the elders.
At one time, Father John (Krestyankin) told me: “We knew such elders, similar in spirit to the ancient elders. And you know us. And then others will come who will not be distinguished by any special talents or spiritual strength.” This time has probably come, we are now experiencing it - a time, as it is now commonly called, of apostasy, that is, a retreat from the faith. It is only by the grace of God that our Russia and the Russian people are reborn and become believers. And just for the modern generation, Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov, reflecting on the eldership and its disappearance in the future, said: there is no need to be sad in connection with the disappearance of wise spiritual leaders, you need to focus on spiritual books, on the fathers of the Church.
And you know, it’s amazing, because I became a believer and was baptized when I was 20 years old, in 1969. A little over 20 years passed when suddenly changes occurred in Russia - a law was passed on freedom of religion and freedom of conscience. And from about this time, or better yet, from the end of Gorbachev’s perestroika, in 1989, Orthodox books began to be published: the holy fathers, lives. And now - a sea of these books and a huge number of publishing houses! And we have the opportunity to get acquainted with the works of St. Ignatius Brianchaninov, St. Theophan the Recluse, many Optina elders, Glinsk elders, modern elders, like Father John (Krestyankin), and others who left behind their works. And they, in general, answered for us all the questions that modern humanity now faces. So, for example, Father John (Krestyankin) has a “Spiritual First Aid Kit”, compiled as advice on various problems of spiritual life. Now the works of the holy fathers are systematized by topic, for example: about humility, about prayer, about pride, and so on. We may well look to them for spiritual guidance.
Moreover, I do not now advise my spiritual children to delve into the ascetic works of such ascetics as, say, Isaac the Syrian, because the ancient fathers and desert dwellers focused on monasticism, on people living a deeply ascetic life. We don't live that kind of life. And if we try to follow their advice, on the one hand, this can certainly be a benefit for us, but on the other hand, we may find ourselves in the trap of misunderstanding and inconsistency between such experience and modern life. This can lead to mental darkness, even mental illness. Therefore, I orient those who turn to me towards modern elders and domestic ascetics of piety, who have already died, but left us their precious works focused on modern society.
- What kind of books are these? - Can you list a few more?
Father Nikolai Golubtsov, holy righteous father Alexei Mechev, of course, the Glinsk and Optina elders, holy righteous father John of Kronstadt, Theophan the Recluse, Ignatius Brianchaninov. There are so many of them, you can’t read them all! And now people are very busy - you spend a lot of time just on the way to work or to the service. You can’t re-read everything, but this will be enough for guidance in spiritual life.
Confessor by correspondence
Can a modern person have a confessor at a distance? Call each other, correspond over the Internet, rarely meeting in person or not meeting at all?
Of course, such relationships can exist, and they are very common. I heard that such famous confessors as Archpriest Vladimir Vorobyov, Archpriest Dimitry Smirnov had an affair with a certain eldercorrespondence - they took advice from him in writing and received answers in writing.
And it seems that none of them ever saw this old man. Is it possible. We were lucky enough to go to the Pskov-Pechersky Monastery whenever we wanted, at first we came to the elders with “sheets” of questions, then the questions became fewer and fewer. And some no longer came, but asked the elders in writing and received answers. And we were guided by these answers.
We are again talking about elders, people of special talents, perspicacious, who could resolve certain issues at a distance. But what about ordinary confessors?
There are questions that, I think, ordinary confessors-priests, not blessed with such spiritual, senile grace, cannot answer. The questions are complex, requiring not only attention and deepening into the human soul, but also some kind of parallel knowledge, spiritual knowledge, given only from above, only by God.
But suppose I have spiritual children whom I have known for a long time, and this knowledge helps me, without being an old man and a perspicacious person, to solve, perhaps, much more complex problems. And if you, an ordinary priest, do not know all the complexities and nuances of the life of your spiritual child, how can you answer his questions and difficulties?
Over time, a person begins to need a confessor less, ask fewer questions, and confess shorter. Is this normal?
I think it's ok. Of course, a person learns. Of course, any subject in which we gain knowledge is much more extensive than, say, an institute program. But nevertheless, the institute provides systematic knowledge about this subject, quite comprehensive. The foundation is laid in you, and, relying on it, you can develop further. If a person has an inquisitive mind, and he continues to strive to understand the subject that interests him, then gradually, gradually, the questions become fewer and fewer. It’s the same in spiritual life! When we recently visited Father John (Krestyankin), I filtered 2-3 questions out of myself like a mosquito. I had nothing to ask, no problems!
And I understand that Father John answered almost all of our questions during our fairly long spiritual relationship, which spanned three and a half decades.
- How do you feel about the change of confessor?
You know, when I was younger, I was very zealous about this, and was quite worried when my spiritual children left me. But if they went, for example, to Father John (Krestyankin) or to such pillars of the Church, the joy from this overcame the pain that was in me. And now I feel free.
Guided by the saying: fish look for where it is deeper, and man looks for where it is better. Man is free! And to focus on me, a person who is not a saint and knows, perhaps imperfectly, but the price of his spiritual life... I would not want this, I would not want to say about myself: “Here I am, the source of knowledge.” Nothing like this. There are people much wiser than me. And if my spiritual children end up with such people, I am now happy about this and do not feel pain.
Incorrect relationship
- What kind of relationship with a confessor can be wrong? How can you tell if they are adding up incorrectly?
Let’s say that if a person sees in a priest - I’m talking about personal experience - an elder and addresses him as an elder, this is a false attitude. I'm not an old man. It is wrong when a person elevates an ordinary confessor and places him on the pedestal of holiness. We, people, I am a man, a sinful man, and I would like to get rid of passions, like my spiritual children. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but all the time I pray to God to free me from passions.
It is very wrong to collect information about your spiritual father as a miracle worker: here he showed insight, and here, through his prayers, someone recovered. Most often, this contains a fairly large element of fantasy, and the person, the confessor, begins to be deified. And then, when we suddenly show weakness, our fall is great in the eyes of such people. And our memory perishes with noise, as it is said in the Gospel.
Is it necessary for a family to have a common confessor, and what should they do if the bride has one and the groom has another?
I adhere to this view, although I never insist on it, that it is more correct to have one confessor. Let's imagine this picture: there are many wonderful confessors in Moscow now; They are also remarkable because they have experience communicating with elders who passed on some of their experience to them - and you can’t get it from any books!
But nevertheless, due to the difference in characters and personal approaches, they sometimes look differently at this or that problem and at the means of healing from this or that mental illness. And this can be a stumbling block! Suppose your confessor says one thing in connection with a certain problem in family life, and your husband’s confessor tells his husband something different in connection with the same problem. And you find yourself faced with a choice: what to do? And you are lost, because you love your confessor and consider him to be the “last resort,” but your spouse believes his confessor. And now there is a conflict.
- What to do?
I would advise such families the following. If there is no choice, then the wife needs to listen to her husband. Because she is married.
Secret clergy
- What is the most difficult thing for you in clergy and what is the most gratifying?
The hardest thing about clergy is that my soul is not an abode for God. This is how the elders differed from confessors like me: they matured the soul of man, by the grace of God they saw it. And they gave advice that was healing specifically for this person. This is what brings me pain, but in no case is it disappointment, but pain, because in clergy I see great opportunities for my soul and it is clergy that brings me the greatest satisfaction in itself. Because sometimes I see how advice - not mine, but “leaked” from someone - benefits another person. This is a huge joy! It is a joy when the advice you gleaned from the holy fathers and elders has a healing effect on the souls of your spiritual children.
- Is this the secret of clergy?
The mystery of clergy is just that: a mystery. Since we call it that, it means that we cannot penetrate deeply into it with our minds. I noticed, especially in the first 10-15 years of my priesthood, that when a person entered into this spiritual relationship with me, my heart not only accommodated him, but became akin to this person. A certain thread immediately formed, and I was even more worried about such people than about those who were not and are not my spiritual children. Look, the Apostle Paul says: “Husband and wife are one flesh; this mystery is great.” I would say this is where the secret lies. But how to explain it? Don't explain.
The Lord implants in your heart, in your soul, some special love for this person and special care for him. More than others. And, of course, I am deeply convinced, it reveals much more about spiritual children than about other people.
Father Vladimir, let's summarize our conversation. A person, having come to the Church, should strive for such spiritual guidance, which presupposes obedience, since it is difficult to figure out spiritual life on one’s own. But, if such a relationship does not work out for him, he should not force this process and should be guided by the books of the holy fathers.
Yes that's right. Well, after all, a person should also have a “temporary acting” confessor. Sometimes we may encounter something that we cannot understand, and then it would be better to consult such a priest in order not to get lost in the wilds.
Mikhailova (Posashko) Valeria
* Archimandrite John (Krestyankin; 1910–2006) - one of the most famous and most revered modern elders, who was a resident of the Pskov-Pechersk Monastery for about 40 years; a confessor who cared for a huge number of laity and monks. - Ed.
** Schema-abbot Savva (Ostapenko; 1898–1980) is a resident of the Pskov-Pechersk Monastery, a famous confessor and author of books on spiritual life, revered by the Orthodox as an elder. - Ed.
How does an elder differ from a confessor, a spiritual father, or just a priest?
First of all, charisma is a special gift of grace when the elder is guided by the Holy Spirit Himself. An elder may not have a rank, but he can guide a person’s soul and lead him to salvation; he is completely responsible for the soul of his disciple-novice. Not only the elders, but also the elders had novices. The novices confessed their thoughts, revealed the secrets of their hearts and were under the complete guidance of the elders. The “elder-disciple” relationship has not survived in our time. There is a “spiritual father-child” relationship, when, by agreement, a novice or layman entrusts himself to the spiritual guidance of a priest and tries to follow his advice. The basis of this relationship is recommendation, advice, and not obligation. The relationship between a simple priest and his flock also contains spiritual advice, spiritual recommendations on how to be saved. Most often they are addressed to the entire congregation, and not to individual parishioners.
From patristic literature we know that without the spiritual guidance of an elder, a confessor, it is impossible for monastics to be saved. Does this condition apply to lay people? Is it necessary for a lay person to have a spiritual mentor or is it enough to just go to church and participate in its sacraments?
Every layman needs to have a confessor to whom he can open his life. This is how it has always been with us in Russia: for the soul - a priest, for the body - a doctor and teacher. Every family should have a confessor so that everyone can resolve life issues with him, especially issues of saving their soul. It happens that everyone who lives in this area and visits this temple confesses to one priest. Someone wants to get married and turns to a priest. He says: “Do you have a girlfriend?” - "Eat". - “Who is this girl?” If a girl and a boy constantly go to him for confession, the priest knows both of them, he can tell whether they should connect their lives or not.
What qualities should a confessor have?
In order to be a confessor and perform the sacrament of confession, a priest must have a bishop's blessing for this. He must be humble, lead a moral life, be able to ignite the soul of another person with faith and zeal for God.
It is important that the spiritual father not only pities and praises us, but also instructs us and cuts off everything unnecessary, proud, and vain. Then a person will achieve spiritual purity: he will stop reacting to who said what, how he looked.
Can every priest be a spiritual leader?
The Lord gives everyone His gifts: to one the gift of speech, to another the gift of prayer... The most difficult obedience is confession, not everyone can help people: work painstakingly with each person, help open their souls, give instructions, guide their lives. Others, it happens, will simply listen to a person who repents of his sins, they will not ask anything, sometimes they will not even give instructions, they simply “I forgive, I allow,” and the person leaves dissatisfied. As it was, remains so.
To what extent does obedience apply to the relationship between confessor and parishioner? Should a layman obey his confessor in everything?
When a priest speaks in accordance with the Holy Scriptures, he must be obeyed, but if he goes beyond the Holy Scriptures, the Holy Fathers, contradicts the spirit of the Church, the spirit of salvation, it is dangerous to listen to him,
How are freedom and obedience related? Doesn't a person lose his freedom by obeying his spiritual father?
The Holy Scripture says: all freedom is in the spirit, “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Cor. 3:17). When a confessor is guided by the Holy Scriptures, the Spirit of God, he cannot limit the freedom of his child. In addition, each person can choose to act as his confessor advises him, or in his own way. The confessor must know the spiritual strength of his child: can he accommodate what is said, does he have a calling, for example, to become a monk? You cannot commit violence against a person: a person wants to get married, but he is persuaded to become a monk. Everything must be coordinated with the spiritual structure of the child, his condition.
How do confessors lead their children? Where do they get their knowledge from? Is there a difference between spiritual wisdom and worldly wisdom?
Wisdom must be both spiritual and worldly, and especially given from above. To receive this wisdom, every priest must pray to the Lord. For example, if he needs to give a sermon, he must ask: “Lord, I don’t know what to say, act in me, give me wisdom.” After all, the Lord Himself said: “Ask and it will be given to you” (Luke 11:9).
When a child asks a question (and a child is someone whom the priest has turned to God, to whom he gives instruction, nourishes, and helps to grow spiritually), the priest, having prayed, must resolve the question through prayer, through the Lord, calling on his spiritual experience, everyday experience, knowing the structure of the soul of this person. But before going to the confessor, the child must pray that the Lord, through the priest, will reveal God’s will.
Is what the confessor has blessed always come true?
Not always. A priest may not know the will of God, for example, to bless someone to go to college, but the Lord sees that this is not beneficial for a person. There he will move away from God and lose faith. Then the blessing is not fulfilled. We repeat: it is important for the person asking to pray fervently before taking the blessing, so that the Lord, through the priest, will reveal His will.
Are there any rules for parishioners to communicate with their confessor?
The most important thing is to try to maintain an even relationship with your confessor, not to rush to extremes: do not putspiritual father in the place of God, do not demand the impossible from him. The confessor is also a person; he, like everyone else, may have weaknesses, some imperfections, we must try to cover them with love.
Everyone should remember that the goal of the devil is to separate the confessor from his flock, to turn the child against the confessor. The devil inspires thoughts that the priest is not good, he does everything wrong. A person listens to the devil, loses faith in his confessor, falls away from him, from God, from the Church - he becomes an atheist. But he is not left alone, he immediately begins to create a group of like-minded atheists around himself... What the devil did in Heaven, he does the same on earth: he fights with God through people. It has long been noticed: if we consider a priest to be a saint, as soon as someone says something bad about him, we immediately accept this lie and immediately change our opinion about him. But the Apostle Navel said: “Do not accept an accusation against an elder except in the presence of two or three witnesses” (1 Tim. 5:19). True Christians must be reasonable and understand that without a helmsman they cannot be saved in the sea of life. Ask the Lord for a confessor, a good shepherd, who could guide you through life to a quiet haven, the Kingdom of Heaven, and, having appeared there, say to the Lord: “Behold, I and the children whom you have given to me.”
How to choose the right confessor?
Usually people turn to a priest when they first come to confession. Less often, when there is a celebration at home (wedding, christening) or grief (someone gets sick or dies).
Many who want salvation travel to monasteries and go to churches. Some of them come up to the priest and say: “Father, be my spiritual father!” Do I need to ask for this? Let's say you and I have a father. We never turn to him: “Be my father!” This would never occur to anyone. He is our parent. It’s the same here: if some priest helped a person, converted him to faith, began to instruct him in spiritual and earthly matters, and lead him to salvation, then he raised us from the dead, spiritually gave birth to us for the next century. If a person constantly goes to him, then their relationship becomes that of a spiritual father and his child. And there is no need to ask: “Father, will you be my spiritual father?” The Lord Himself controls and blesses it.
When I lived in the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, at first I did not know any of the confessors. When I came to confession, I approached the one I saw. I’ll confess, take communion, and go.
And then the time came when I wanted to have a spiritual father, and only one. We confessed under the Assumption Cathedral. I prayed in the Trinity Cathedral, asked the Lord, the Mother of God, St. Sergius: “Lord, now I will go to where they confess, and whoever I see first to go to confession, let him become my spiritual father.” I went to the place of confession. Got up. There are no priests. I see: the archimandrite is going to confession in a mantle with the Gospel and with the Cross, and there is a clear thought in his head: “Here is your spiritual father.”
Many tempt the Lord when they boast and are conceited about their confessors. They say: “In the Pochaev Lavra I have a confessor, Father So-and-so; in Pskov, Fr. John Krestyankin, on the island of Zalit. Nikolai, and in the Sergius Lavra Fr. Nahum." This is said by the same person. That is, he has “spiritual fathers” in all the monasteries! But this does not happen: on occasion you can confess to them, ask for prayers, but there must be only one spiritual father.
Others tempt the Lord in a different way. They ask:
- How will you, father, bless me: I want to change apartment?
The priest, after thinking, says:
- Well, change it, but so that the church is nearby. If you are satisfied with everything and you have the strength, please change. God bless you.
Do you think she'll calm down on this? Nothing like this! Goes to the island to about. Nikolai:
— Father, I’m thinking of changing apartments. How will you bless me?
He may say, “I do not bless.” Then she will go to Fr. Kirill, to Fr. Naum, to some other priest and all with the same question. She begins to calculate how many priests blessed her to change her apartment and how many did not. And, of course, there is no blessing from God here. If you take a blessing, then remember: the Lord has already blessed you with your first confessor. Stop searching, and there is no need to blaspheme the blessing! There is no need to look for other priests, other blessings and tempt God.
And so it is in almost every case. Even if the priest did not bless according to our gut, but for humility the Lord fulfills this blessing for the benefit of man.
With the adoption of monasticism, a person leaves his free will. By whose will does he begin to live - by the will of his confessor?
The will of the confessor is the will of God. We see this in the example of the Sacrament of Confession. How do we know whether the Lord has forgiven our sins or not? We approach the confessor, repent of our sins, and the Lord visibly forgives us our sins through the confessor. This is how God’s will is accomplished through confessors. In the Old Testament, the Lord sent prophets to save the people. Now He appoints bishops, priests, and through them He saves His people.
How to find a spiritual father? What should be the relationship between a spiritual father and his children?
The main thing is that the spiritual father shows the way to the Kingdom of Heaven, so that he properly scolds us. You know, a gardener, if he is a master of his craft, tries to cut off all the extra dry branches from the tree. Everything that does not bear fruit is cut off. Likewise, a confessor should be such that he not only strokes the head and consoles, but also helps to get rid of passions and cut them off. I will tell you from my experience: if you say about some ascetic that he is a strong, humble, good man of prayer, you look - he falls into despondency, he lies sick. There was no prayer, no peace in the soul. And when you scold a person, then the demons do not approach him.
Tell us about the spiritual connection between the spiritual father and his children.
The duty of a confessor is to give a helping hand to a person drowning in the sea of life, to show the right path to the Kingdom of Heaven.
When a gardener grows a fruit tree, he takes care of it: he takes scissors and cuts off the unusable branches that do not bear fruit. He cleans the tree, fertilizes it so that it grows correctly and develops better. When necessary, he gives vaccinations. In the same way, a spiritual father, if he sees something in a child that is interfering with his spiritual growth, helps him get rid of vices and passions and become spiritually healthy. And when a person achieves spiritual purity, he stops reacting to who said what to him, how they looked... Good people, striving to improve, pay money for others to scold them. This is how they educate themselves, get used to adversity and troubles. One man worked in a mine and paid his comrades to scold and insult him. One day he went to the city. On the road I saw a “sage” sitting; he began to scold and insult him. This man came closer, stood next to him and began to smile. He was surprised and asked: “What are you happy about? After all, I scold you! - “Dear man, how can I not be happy? I pay money to be scolded, but you scold me for free.”
Look how many people scold and clean us up for free! A person from the outside can sometimes see our vices and passions better. Even the confessor knows better. That’s why it’s good when our confessor does not praise us, but scolds us.
How does a confessor pray for his children? Can a spiritual father pray for a lost child?
Impossible for man, everything is possible for God. If the confessor asks, he will beg, because during the Divine Liturgy the most powerful prayer takes place for people, and a Sacrifice is offered to God for them. Imagine - a person prays alone at home, but there are tens of thousands of people praying in churches. Everyone prays together; here is the Mother of God, and all the saints, and the Cherubim, and the Seraphim, and the Thrones, and the Dominions, and the Powers, and the Powers, and the Principalities, and the Archangels, and the Angels, the whole Heavenly Church! And the Mother of God brings this common prayer to the Throne of Her Son - because all litanies and all stichera end with an appeal to the Mother of God. She is our Intercessor before the Son, our Prayer Book... Can you imagine what power the prayer of the Church has? And at the head of the Church is a clergyman. He takes out the particles and lowers them into the Chalice, praying for the dead and the living; he reads special prayers in which he asks the Lord to remember everyone standing in the temple, everyone who has passed into the next world. And if a person does not go to church, then he is not in the Church. He is in darkness, in the power of the devil, but considers himself a believer and says: “I pray at home.” Yes, church prayer cannot be compared with any other; it is Ecumenical prayer. How many billions of people have passed into that world, and how many people are now praying in churches! And all these prayers are combined into one. And God is served around the clock. It ends in one temple, and begins in another. The flood needs to go to church all the time. To whom the Church is not a Mother, the Lord is not a Father.
What to do if you have lost faith in your spiritual father?
A person cannot lose faith in his spiritual father - he stops believing in himself. This means that he took the wrong path - he lives according to his own will, according to his passions. When Satan was still Sataniel, the closest to God, he became proud, wanted to be equal to God, and fell away from Him, dragging a third of the Angels with him. The angels were kind, but he managed to deceive them so much, to distort everything so much that they believed that God was unfair and did everything wrong. And the good Angels (hear, good ones!), those who served God, listened to the slanderer - the devil. The angels accepted his false thoughts and slander and rebelled against God. The third part of the angels was cast out of heaven, and they became evil spirits - demons. And they fought with God Himself. Which way? They see: a man goes to church, prays, and suddenly stumbles, begins to fall away from God. In order to return to God, he needs to approach his confessor and repent. And he is ashamed to repent to God through his confessor - he also falls away from his confessor. And the devil instills in him the idea that the confessor is not good, he does everything wrong. A person loses faith in his confessor, falls away from him, from God, from the Church - he becomes an atheist. But he is not left alone, he immediately begins to create around himself a group of like-minded people - atheists... What the devil did in Heaven, he does the same on earth: he fights with God through people. It has long been noticed: if we consider a priest to be a saint, as soon as we say something bad about him to someone, we immediately accept this lie (we so easily accept any lie!), and immediately change our opinion about him. But the Apostle Paul said: “Do not accept an accusation against an elder except in the presence of two or three witnesses” (1 Tim. 5:19). Real Christians must be reasonable. The devil can send a person who will tell you about such a priest!
I know a woman; she was specially appointed by the authorities to the Transfiguration Cathedral. She knew a lot of prayers, the Holy Scriptures, she knew everyone in the church, she approached young people; who had just begun to come to God, said: “Hello, dear! Oh, how good it is that you came to church - the Lord loves young people!” And he begins to tell something spiritual. The man sees that the woman knows everything well and trusts her. And she suddenly says: “Here, the priest who serves is a drunkard. He doesn't believe in God. And that one over there is no good at all...” And he will be able to tell such things about everyone that a person is losing the beginnings of faith. Somehow I caught her “there’s a crime at the scene.” She began to ask to be my spiritual child, right from the first day. I polished my speech, explained everything clearly, I see that it’s unclean here. I tell her: “Okay. Write a statement that you want to be my child.” She wrote. I ask her:
- So you want to be a child?
- I want it, father, I want it! — he answers passionately.
- Will you obey?
- Will!
“Then stand at the end of the church by the cross, don’t leave your place, and don’t talk to anyone for two years.”
- Okay, I'll stand.
I’m at the altar, and I occasionally watch her. I’m already watching the bazaar with someone. I go out and ask:
- Why were you talking to one woman today?
- Which one?
— She stood next to you with a bag in her hands.
- How do you know?
- Well, if I set you up, that means I control you. What kind of child are you if you don’t have obedience? You consider yourself Orthodox, a real Christian. But now Lent is underway, and you are eating milk and sausage.
- How do you know, father?
- Yes, I know a lot about you and other things. I know that you don’t even have an icon at home, just a small icon on the window in the corner. Repent before God: how much do you get paid?
- 150 rubles, father.
- Did you sell your soul for these 150 rubles?
“I tried not to betray anyone too much.”
She, indeed, did not so much betray as she corrupted people and worked for atheists.
When the Vvedensky Church was opened, a lot of people gathered, about a thousand people. Everyone is discussing the issue of handing over the temple to believers. I went out in the evening, I heard her say: “Why do we need this temple? We have no one to go to the Transfiguration Church, there is no need to open this one...” He continues his “work” - he sets people up. She still goes to church...
It is important for a layman not only to find a spiritual father, but also to maintain mutual trust and love with him. How to achieve this while avoiding tactlessness towards the confessor? How not to cross the border between freedom and obedience? And, on the other hand, how can a young priest see spiritual service in its true light and learn to distinguish the important from the unimportant, to hear and understand another person? What mistakes to avoid during confession, what to consider when confessing spouses in the event of a conflict in the family? The confessor of the Moscow (regional) diocese, cleric of the Mother of God of Smolensk Novodevichy Monastery, Archimandrite Kirill (Semyonov), reflects on this.
Heart's attention
- Your Reverence! There are situations when a priest serves alone in a parish, putting all his soul and strength into it. But most parishioners do not see him as their confessor. Although it is possible that they need spiritual nourishment. How can a priest gain the trust of his flock?
— One priest serves in most rural churches. And of course, if a sincere, trusting relationship does not arise between him and the flock, this will become a serious mutual problem. In order for a priest to develop trust and develop a deeper spiritual relationship with his flock, he must strive to love the parishioners as his spiritual children. To love as members of his family, over which he is - spiritually - placed as the head. When a priest is called to church services, he comes into contact with the everyday life of his parishioners. But you need to not only fulfill what is required: let’s confess, let’s sing, get married, and I don’t need anything else from you, delve into and know how everyone lives in their spiritual family. Concerns and circumstances of a person’s life, his family, occupation. And then there will be mutual love. And if he is the head of a spiritual family, then it is quite natural, knowing this life, to participate and help if necessary. He will not be a stranger to them, and “not a stranger” is probably the best description.
Such qualities as love, long-suffering, forbearance, attentive attitude to the soul of another person, to his troubles, needs and joys, attention of the heart can help here. This will be the basis of true spirituality for any priest. And parishioners, as vast church experience shows, will respond only with love.
- What do you call "with the attention of the heart"?
— “Attention of the heart” can be called a quality in which not only your mind, but also your heart opens to another person. When such attention can appear in your heart that it extends not only to the outer side of his life, but to the depths of his soul. To do this, your heart must be attentive to what is happening in the heart of this person. After all, a spiritual child can limit himself to certain words, but if your heart is attentive, it will see the real problem, which a person may be embarrassed and ashamed to talk about. But in those external words in which he expresses his confession, you can feel what is behind them.
- But if you look at the situation from the other side. How can a young priest gain authority if he has just arrived at the parish, but all the attention and trust of the parishioners is only given to the priest who has been serving here for a long time?
“Much depends on the more experienced priest, how to introduce his young brother into the life of the parish and win people over to him. On the part of the experienced, more wisdom is required, and on the part of the young, there must be humility in these circumstances and a desire to truly join this family. He can win favor with his love, his attention to parishioners, and his desire to bear part of the burdens of a more experienced priest. After all, creating a brotherly atmosphere depends on both of them. Both must understand that they are doing the common work of the Church, the work of salvation, by providing pastoral care. Then there will be no problems.
There are situations when a priest serves in a rural parish, but for some reason he doesn’t like his flock, these people. He wants to go to another parish, but they don’t give it to him. This means you have to work where you were assigned and help exactly those people. To do this you need to accept them as they are. Try to help them become better. Strive for this all the time, clearly realizing that you must become a father for them. The Church put you in this place.
We must not forget that a hundred years ago people were attached to the temple and the sacraments from childhood. And now they come to the Church in adulthood, sometimes severely damaged by life and vices, and it can be very difficult to build relationships if a person does not have anything that would make it easier for him to join the Church. There is no end to the work here. This is impossible only through human efforts; there must be prayer. And she helps, and many people turn to her. We are talking about church revival, but it should manifest itself primarily not within the walls, but in the cleansing of human souls from sin.
— If a parishioner regularly confesses to the same priest, can he consider this pastor his spiritual father?
- Maybe. But you need to understand that there must also be obedience towards the spiritual father. Therefore, in order to avoid any unnecessary problems in this relationship, you need to obtain the consent of the priest himself to be your spiritual father.
Not to decide for yourself - this is my spiritual father, but to first talk to him about it. An experienced priest will never immediately refuse, but will say: “Okay, let's communicate, talk, get to know each other better. Maybe you will decide that I am not ready for this.” Let's say you like his preaching or spiritual advice, but don't like his hot temper. It will be difficult for you to communicate with him if you cannot overcome this feature of your shepherd or some of his views. It takes time for both to get used to it and find an opportunity for spiritual and emotional communication. In the end, love can conquer everything. Both yours and his shortcomings, and lead to what you were looking for. I heard conversations like this: “How can you go to this priest, he is so harsh and intolerant?!” “No, you don’t know him, he’s only like that outwardly, but he’s ready to lay down his soul for you!” This is the case when a person realized that the priest’s character is secondary; the priest is trying to work on this. And at the same time, there are merits that attract him as a confessor.
Personal experience
—Did you have a spiritual father during your youth? What was the value of this relationship to you personally?
— I believed in God as a teenager, but came to the Church much later. He deliberately chose his spiritual father at the age of 26. This was preceded by several years of searching - both spiritual and life. But when a very serious crisis came in my life, I realized that I needed spiritual help. I visited several Moscow churches (at the end of the 1970s there were only 44 operating in Moscow), and in one of them I saw a priest whose word literally stopped me: I immediately decided that this man should become my spiritual father. He answered my request simply: “Come on such and such a day, we’ll talk.” From that day our many years of spiritual and friendly relations began. They took shape gradually, in mutual trust and without any exaltation, calmly and seriously. Their value for me was that I began to truly enter the Church, into its life. I began to become a church member: to confess, take communion, study theology and church tradition. Gradually, I made many wonderful and faithful friends who were also the spiritual children of this priest. In the end, on his advice, I later became a priest myself.
My spiritual father was very serious (not strict, but serious). He came to the Church at a mature age and had a secular education. Many people mistook his seriousness for coldness. But there was no coldness in him. And when you began to communicate with him, it became clear that behind this external coldness was hidden a kind and very attentive heart. But it took time to understand and see this. I remember how loving and considerate he was towards others. And reciprocal love was born as a feeling of gratitude to a person who very carefully enters your life, sparing your weaknesses as much as possible. Not suppressing your will, but gradually introducing you into the circle of real church tradition. I am very grateful to him for his patience and forbearance. Because it was difficult to enter the Church like this and immediately love and accept everything in it that is worthy of love. Of course, I had questions, as a thinking person should have. But gradually all this was resolved by love and joint prayer.
— Did he draw up some kind of churching program for you?
“I was already about 30 years old, but I knew nothing about the Church, and at first he guided my self-education. Sometimes he warned me about some theological phenomena and trends, in particular about renovationism. About books that need to be read carefully. He not only advised, but also warned: “When you read this, pay attention to this and that. Maybe the author looks at these phenomena too liberally.” He never forbade anything. Maybe he saw in me a person who was able to figure things out on his own. But we all started with the alphabet, with such Christian ascetic books as Abba Dorotheus and John Climacus. After all, there was a book famine for Orthodox literature back then.
Today I find small brochures, separate pages, and I understand how important and valuable each page was back then, how much important information it carried. Today you would flip through it without even noticing, because there is such an abundance of books and literature of any direction in the church book industry that your eyes run wide. Then we knew how to appreciate the smallest crumbs that we could get. They were typed on a typewriter or even copied by hand. In the 1980s, we at MDAiS did not have free notes; these were “blind” reprints made on a typewriter from notes from the 1950s in thick covers. We could use the MDA library, but this was also not enough.
Today there is even too much literature and there is a problem that psychologically harmful books are also published under the brand of Orthodoxy. Order and control are needed here, because people are sometimes seduced by spiritual charm.
The experience of constructing a confession
— Among them are many brochures on how to prepare for confession. Some of them do not in any way attune the heart to a repentant mood, and confession turns into a formal listing of sins. Maybe these brochures are not worth reading at all? Or can they still help in some way?
— For me, at one time, such a book was the book of the ever-memorable Father John (Krestyankin) “The Experience of Constructing a Confession,” in which the priest revealed in detail each commandment of beatitude precisely from the point of view of repentance. She was very popular then, there were no others. These were the first signs of church spiritual literature, which was then beginning to be published in large editions. And I used it for the first time when I first became a priest. It turned out to be useful for many. But, of course, any book of this kind inevitably suffers from formalism. And some of them can be called a guide to aversion from real living confession.
I have come across books that simply contain a list of sins, but ones that a person has never heard of. For example, a confessor begins to confess to a young girl using this manual and asks questions regarding the details of her intimate life, which would make an adult embarrassed. In this case, other than temptation and even mental trauma, those who come to confession will receive nothing. And this is truly the destruction of a person’s soul when it is not taken into account who you ask these questions to and how necessary it is. I myself, as a priest taking confession, stopped using any brochures, having developed for myself a certain nature of confession and its content. And, knowing the people who come, you don’t need to invent anything, they speak themselves. Just ask them two or three questions for clarification.
An attentive confessor must himself recommend to his children how best to prepare for confession, and, of course, there is nothing better and more fruitful than individual confession. There will be no place in it for either formalism or questions that are in no way related to the life of a particular person. Of course, there is a so-called general confession when there are large crowds, for example, before fasting. And here a serious confessor is obliged to choose a spiritually sober guide to confession. Brief, but succinct, to help people, and not to push them away, not to leave them insensitive to the need for real repentance. Or he himself must be able to construct a short word without any help before confession, when there is no time left for a conversation with each person - this will take a week. And he only has an hour and a half. In this case, his words should concern the most important aspects of a person’s confession, and, probably, it is easiest to arrange them according to the beatitudes.
— If a young priest asked how to learn to confess, what would you answer him?
“I would advise him to learn to hear a person.” Because the person came not just to get advice, but first of all to express the most important thing that torments him. Therefore, a priest must definitely learn to listen. And even listen more than talk. And sometimes you don’t even need to say anything. Because a person, having spoken out, immediately brings repentance. And you see: he understands everything correctly, but he sinned and came with real repentance, and there is no need to explain anything. And sometimes it is necessary to explain sin and how to deal with this sin most effectively. And when you listen carefully, you will definitely understand what to say to him in response. Only when you listen carefully. People need to speak out. And sin sometimes requires both words and tears, and this must be patiently, if possible and time, listened to and accepted. Then the person will leave with a healed heart. And if the priest instead starts preaching and citing quotes, this can only ruin everything. Such impatience, its insistent pressure. And if there is still no participation and attention to the person in this, then the person will most likely think: “Father told me something, I didn’t understand.” And everything remained as it was, and everyone remained with their own opinion.
— Are there any “pitfalls” for a priest who is the confessor of both the husband and the wife, and the whole family?
— The most dangerous and, alas, common temptation is to take one side. Dispassion and sincerity are required from the priest here. You cannot allow yourself to be drawn to someone else's side. Naturally, every family has disagreements or conflicts. And each side, the woman usually more often, strives to “win” the priest and, with his help, attack the opponent. The confessor must definitely try to listen to both sides. Two different versions will be offered to your judgment, but the task is to try to bring them both to the truth and find out what is really happening, where is the lie and where is the truth. Without initially taking sides. But when it becomes clear who is right and who is wrong, then, again, without taking anyone’s position, try to convey to the one who is wrong why his spouse is right. And help you accept this truth.
Of course, it is not easy for spouses to confess, since they are looking for an ally in the person of a priest in order to strengthen their position and thereby, as it seems to them, achieve confirmation of their rightness. But the priest must be very careful and consider only spiritual issues, and not property or any material problems. He shouldn't intrude there. The priest can correct and advise. But don’t give ready-made solutions: you need to change, move away, get a divorce. The task of the Church is to preserve, not to destroy. And as for marriages, sometimes the wife comes and says: “That’s it, father, I’m divorcing him.” "What's the matter?" “Well, he told me that! I can’t forgive.” This is the minimum, but there are also serious problems - drunkenness and domestic violence.
— If a priest, having sorted out the relationship between the spouses, sees that the family is destroyed and agrees to divorce, how can he explain such a decision?
- Not an easy question. If you see that in fact there is no family, then divorce is just a formal legal action. There is no family that the Church blesses. And that there was nothing left from the marriage except living together in the same territory. And only hostility, beatings, betrayal, suffering and tears of children.
And I don’t see the point, why live together if the family is destroyed, if living together gives them nothing but hatred. In connection with this, it seems to me that these canons need to be amended so as not to pass off something that does not exist as something that supposedly still exists. This is not a marriage or a family - what is the point of continuing mutual torment, and maybe it is better to free people from this burden? And they will calm down, parting, and come to their senses. Or they will build their lives in some other way in the future. Yes, it will be trauma and drama, but still a way out of an inhumane situation.
— How do you figure out how often you should confess if you don’t have a spiritual father?
— Ideally, you need to confess as often as possible, because in confession a person always talks about the most important thing. And vice versa, the less often a person confesses, the more he relaxes spiritually. Sin should burn our hearts, literally driving us to confession. But more often, alas, it happens differently, and we are in no hurry to repent. And we even put up with unrepentant sin in our hearts. Without noticing how he continues to destroy us. The books of the holy fathers, especially the ascetic fathers, help in spiritual work on oneself. And here I can recommend the same Abba Dorotheus, John Climacus, Isaac the Syrian. And from today's adapted literature - St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov). Saint Theophan the Recluse, for example, has a whole series of books on how to build your spiritual life, which is impossible without confession. More modern authors are Father Alexander Elchaninov and Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh.
The content of confession is determined by the specific life of a specific person. It happens that someone cannot get out of their sins and needs to confess every day. The other confesses less often, but will always say something important, understanding well what sin is. Sometimes people say: “Father, I don’t know what to repent of.” This is the most infantile state of mind. A person knows nothing and does not understand what to repent of? And if you offer him two or three commandments, he agrees: yes, I sinned in this. And you understand that a person is simply not used to asking himself, is not used to thinking, he does not even understand what sin is. I would like to tell him: take the Savior’s commandments, understand through them for yourself what sin is, what the Lord does not want to see in you, what He wants to save you from, and start from there. Take a piece of paper and remember the most important thing, don’t be ashamed of anything, don’t forget, write it down - this will be your confession. And the main thing will be followed by other things that will be remembered, they will definitely begin to “crawl” out of you.
— How does confession affect a person’s spiritual life? How does it help in accumulating, deepening, and expanding spiritual experience?
— Influences and helps in the most direct way. After all, confession is a sacrament, and the sacrament for us is the source of the grace of the Holy Spirit, without which a person in himself is not capable of any spiritual life. It is an illusion that a person himself can change and decide everything. No, only in cooperation with the Lord God, with the grace of the Holy Spirit.
It is said: Wisdom will not enter into an evil soul (Wisdom 1:4). What does it mean? A soul poisoned by sin and left without repentance cannot work for the Lord. You can study theological sciences, know and constantly quote Scripture, but if at the same time a person does not care about purifying his heart, all his knowledge is extensive and his abilities do not help him in the least in spiritual development. I know many examples of how a person, having begun to confess regularly and seriously, begins to change and transform for the better in the most obvious way. His prayer life becomes deeper, sharp and negative manifestations of some spiritual qualities disappear. He becomes softer, calmer, kinder, more responsive to other people's pain and need, and capable of compassion. From the outside it is always more noticeable.
People sometimes say: Father, that’s how much I repent and pray, but I haven’t changed. No, you're wrong. I have been observing you and knowing you for a long time, and this is not quite what you think. And maybe it should seem that way to you so that you don’t weaken your efforts.
Freedom and obedience
— Do you often apply penance to your spiritual children as punishment? What does this mean?
— People often ask to punish them themselves, I don’t strive for this. That's how we are made. Or rather, we are such by our sinful nature that sometimes we cannot correct ourselves without punishment. I am not a supporter of any harsh punishments (and I learned this at one time from my confessor); I use them extremely rarely, and even then in accordance with the capabilities of a person and the characteristics of his life. Some, until they truly repent, can be given strict advice to abstain from the sacrament so that it does not bring judgment and condemnation to the person; others, for a certain period of time, should resort to frequent prostrations and daily reading of the penitential canon. In Church Slavonic, the word “punishment” has a different meaning than in colloquial Russian, namely “teaching”. Therefore, probably, the best punishment would be to teach a person the correct course of action, not so much through some harsh disciplinary measures (although this is not excluded), but rather through the desire to penetrate a person’s heart with the word of love, which itself can change a lot in a person.
—What is the relationship between freedom and obedience? Isn’t a person deprived of freedom by following all the advice of his spiritual father?
—What kind of freedom are we talking about? It is clear that this is not about freedom to sin recklessly. Let us remember what the Lord tells us: If you continue in My word, then you are truly My disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free (John 8:31-32). This means that the condition for true freedom will be fidelity to the word of Christ, Who Himself is the truth and the way of true life. Consequently, the word of a spiritual father to his child should not be in conflict with the word of the Lord. If this is so, then obedience to the spiritual father will, in fact, be obedience to Christ Himself, and this will lead a person to real freedom from self-will and sin. Then there will be no contradiction between freedom and obedience. Obedience not just to a confessor, but to a confessor who speaks the words of Christ and shows the way to Christ. And God forbid that the words of Christ are replaced by a confessor with his own private opinion and whims.
— What if we are talking about freedom in creativity?
— Creativity is that side of life that can be irrational and less subject to any direct restrictions. If this is a believer, then in his creativity he must have the fear of God and certain concepts about the possible and the impossible. In particular, that the freedom of his creativity should not contradict the truth that he professes. It must not go beyond those boundaries beyond which it is pointless to talk about freedom, because this will already be freedom to sin. And a creative person must always understand that he must be a co-creator with God, no matter what field he chooses: music, poetry, painting or writing philosophical treatises. His work can be multifaceted, multifaceted, with different content, but it must remain within the boundaries of Christ’s word and Christ’s commandment, leading to Christ.
—Can you, as a confessor, be disappointed by the confession of a spiritual child? Can you tell us about the different types of relationships “spiritual father - spiritual child”?
- Yes maybe. It happens that you expect from a person some fruits of his spiritual work, but he comes to confession and reveals, for example, laziness, carelessness or sinful self-will, selfishness, coldness, obvious unreason. People are people, and overcoming your old self is hard work. This requires a lot of patience from the confessor. Relationships are also very different. You can tell someone that your relationship is not working out (this also happens, especially when you see that a person does not want to take spiritual life seriously, but is simply looking for an interesting interlocutor in a priest). And there are very long-term, deep relationships, and you joyfully see how Christ sometimes works a real miracle of transformation with a person. With some, spiritual contact is established almost immediately, with others it is more difficult, some leave on their own (this is so that the confessor, probably, can ask himself why the person left him as a confessor). The confessor is also obliged to ask himself such a question.
— What is the reason for the misunderstanding that arises when confessors communicate with their spiritual children? How to avoid this?
— Misunderstandings arise when people speak different languages. This is also true in spiritual relationships. The confessor needs to know in basic terms the life of his spiritual child, his character, habits, interests, and take into account his physical and mental capabilities, if, for example, we are talking about fasting. This will help to properly guide your spiritual child, and he will have more trust and understanding in his confessor. Problems can only be avoided when there is mutual trust and love.
— What spiritual perplexities and problems should you definitely contact your confessor?
— First of all, with spiritual issues. And it often happens that during confession a priest is asked to participate in absentia in the division of property, real estate, or to solve the purely everyday problems of some relative about whom you have never heard anything at all until now. Among the most important spiritual problems are internal, spiritual problems. Everything that concerns difficulties in relationships with people, passions and vices that have become habits, possible doubts about the truth of Holy Scripture or church tradition, problems associated with prayer or fasting - with all this you need to go to your confessor, to a priest. And not to the “grandmothers at the candlestick”, who often with the best intentions, but without the necessary spiritual knowledge and experience, will recommend something from which you can really suffer in the spiritual sense.
- What to do if for some reason you are disappointed in your spiritual father? For example, the spiritual father committed some act that the spiritual child regards as negative.
- And you don’t need to be enchanted by anyone, so as not to be disappointed someday. A confessor is also a person who is not immune from mistakes. Obedience should not be blind and reckless. And if this happens, then the spiritual child, of course, should try to find out the essence of the problem with the confessor himself. If nothing can be changed and a person’s conscience does not allow him to continue to maintain spiritual relationships, he is free to move away from such a confessor. There is no sin here; the sin would be to continue an already insincere relationship. However, it is important to keep gratitude in your heart to your former confessor and continue to pray for him as a priest and a person, so that everything will be fine with him. Not to grow cold and not to become embittered, but to preserve the good things that he received from his confessor.
— Should the relationship with the confessor be somehow regulated so that this does not constitute tactlessness on the part of the spiritual child?
“You can’t make your spiritual father something like a pocket oracle or become one of your “most beloved children.” It would be tactless to manage the time and life of a confessor for insignificant, not the most important reasons, literally pursuing him (and this happens) with your annoying requests to meet, talk, pay more attention to you than to others.
An experienced confessor himself, first of all, must be able to regulate his relationships with his spiritual children and the relationships of his spiritual children with each other. Try to avoid unnecessary jealousy towards him. This happens to women, for example. Men are more restrained and balanced, and a woman herself sometimes does not know what she is looking for and wants: serious spiritual work or her own emotional outbursts. Any position of the confessor in such cases is spiritual love. Only she helps the confessor build the right relationship with the spiritual child. And, without being distracted by any of your emotions, look for the one thing you need.
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